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Giving away your daughter

mom-day-hoffer-mother-daughter-002Last night was an interesting and terribly emotional evening that bought up some very interesting issuess for me.

My baby girl, the love of my life, believes that she has met the man of her dreams, the “one”, her soul mate. I have met him too and he is amazing! They are madly in love and seem very well suited, by which I mean that she does all the talking and he always agrees. When she makes a mistake, he apologises, as any man should. House hold chores are divided evenly, she makes the mess and he cleans, much like it is in our house with an OCD husband.

I tell you, wisdom and foresight can be a burden, while innocence/ignorance is apparently bliss.

So in this vain, my daughter announces that her partner let’s call him Will is planning on asking my Angus for Poppy’s hand in marriage.

Here is how my thinking went, I have no recall of the order in which they came, but each one slapped me in the face at some point with equal force…

  • I am so glad that someone loves you enough to take you on and want to love you for the rest of your life.
  • Holly shit you guys are rushing things.
  • What do you mean Angus’s permission? I raised your ass solo, he needs MY consent!
  • Lordy if you think we are paying for an over the top Princess style wedding you are bonkers.

All of these thoughts hit my head and ruminated at lightning speed, mere seconds had passed but I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions.

Later that evening after Poppy & Will had left, I realised that the one thought that remained with me was about MY consultation on the matter. For those who have not read my first book, I have raised this little girl from day dot solo. Her father asked not to be involved, and therefore was not involved. At aged three he was hospitalised for mental health concerns, by aged eight he had committed suicide.

She never met him. Instead I was the mother and the father for fifteen years. In addition to all of the cooking, cleaning, bedtime stories, teething issues, tonsillitis, adenoid surgery, braces, school fees, netball coaching, worked full time to pay for all of this, first period, first boyfriend tears, riding a bike, re-watching Aladdin ten thousand times, finding pot in the hand bag, bad haircuts (probably cut by me), comb out head lice, hundreds of loud Spice Girls themed birthday parties, pick you up from late night parties, bouts of gastro, how to insert tampons, pushing her to study more, piano lessons, weekend sports games for ten years straight, forever groundings that meant I was grounded, ten thousand tears, a million smiles, and a trillion giggles, Angus gets to give her away???????? Angus gets the final say on “OUR” approval/consent?????? WTF????????

Please don’t get me wrong, I thank my lucky stars that he has adopted her and loves her with all his heart. However, he turned up when all the hard work was well and truly over. Tradition be damned! I was just as much her father as her mother I want to be a part of that intimate conversation. I expect him to come to me!

Where does tradtion end and feminism take over?

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