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What Are Fake Emotions? ask a sex-work client

I have stolen this post, because it was tooooooo precious to limit to just one site. He is a brilliant writer and a man who knows his heart, please take 5 mis to read a punters perspective.
What are fake emotions?

Posted on September 12, 2013 by sexworkclients

Recently I was strongly challenged on my stance of being a client of a GFE (girlfriend experience) sex worker and an advocate of the decriminalization of sex work. Various arguments were made against my views, from the idea of whether or not sex for pay can be consensual (calling me a rapist), to it’s just “fake emotions” so I should feel shame over it. This discussion happened on Twitter and several people were involved and many jumped to my defense (thank you by the way), on all but one issue. That issue of so-called “fake emotions” of a GFE or sex work in general being shameful. Do I need defending from others about that? No. However, the overall concept I think does. If those that argue against sex work and want to criminalize it, its workers, and/or its clients are going to use that as part of the reason why sex work is wrong, it needs some rebuttal remarks.

Over time I have spoken with, read blogs, read tweets, watched documentaries, and listened to pod-casts from sex workers from various places around the world. Many different experiences, as there are many different types of services within sex work. That said, it is easy to find someone who does not like their work or their clients. The flip-side is also true, many love their work and their clients. For this post I want to get to what the client might be in it for, “fake emotions” or not.

One thing I hope we can agree on, since modern-day psychology does, is that humans are hard-wired to want to be around other humans from time to time. Some more than others, some less so, but in the end, humans socialize. They will feel loneliness if left alone, and can even feel it if they do not sense a connection with those around them. It can cause actual harm if left unchecked, according to research.

If you are reading this, odds are pretty good that you have accessed the internet at some point before now. You likely also have had access to television, movies, live theatre, and YouTube. All are outlets that can be used to give oneself a sense of connection to others. Why are movies and TV programs made? To make money. They make money though because people like you and me watch them. Actors can fake emotions in a way that we find believable and can relate too. Those 2 actors in the romantic comedy you saw are not married to each other, but they sure pulled off a believable love scene, didn’t they? When the cameras were off and the scene over, those actors walked away, with pay. Live theatre does it too, just on a level I happen to admire more. I used to do it, I know how hard it is.

We, meaning humanity, can and do connect with fake emotions all the time. Whether we anthropomorphize animals and inanimate objects, or cry at the end of a good movie. Although, I would argue those are not fake emotions at all. We do feel them, we just feel them temporarily. Furthermore, I would say that they are no less real than longer term emotions. Do you still love, as deeply, that high school crush you had? Our emotions change over time. Some fast, some slow, but all are real to each of us. It is that connection of emotion that makes us human.

Now, to clients of sex work, like myself for instance. I will speak for myself here, but I have been told by others that I am not alone in what I am about to say. I sought a sex worker for an emotional connection because I was very much alone emotionally. I knew it would be an act for a short time. So is a movie, only I wanted to be IN the love scene. I wanted to walk away remembering the experience as though I had lived it. Did I want sex, yes, I’m not going to lie to you. I will say this, of the 2 hours she and I were together, over an hour of it was just cuddling and talking. I needed that more than I needed the sex. Sex, for me anyways, will not fill the void of loneliness. Cuddling will. Feeling desired.

So if you are still here and calling shame on me for ‘paying’ to end my loneliness, I have another thing to add. I could have gone to a bar/pub, or a dating website, or even asked a certain former lover I know that might be accommodating. However, all of those situations play with OTHER people’s emotions and offer a suggestion of something longer term then I wanted or was ready for. I once heard some joke that clients pay not for sex, but for the sex worker to go away after. A callous remark that. Maybe in some cases it is paying for a temporary emotional connection that BOTH can walk away from. Is it being more or less morally responsible to say up front ‘no long lasting emotional ties offered’? It’s surely more honest than 2 people lying to each other on a first date to impress each other, only to have sex with that being the only goal of one, and the goal of the other something longer term. Before you say how wrong that may be, fuck off, I live in the real world where that does happen, all the time sadly.

Thus to reality. The demand for sex work is not going to go away while humanity is on this earth. The right to personal choice of what moral code to follow wins out over your specific moral code. Free choice. The changes we need to work on are societies views on sex, stopping the male mindset of entitlement to sex (rape culture), stopping the blaming of victims or rape, stop slut shaming, better economic conditions that allow for broader choices to feed families, and really start including in our youths sexual education the aspects beyond mere biology like consent and relationships.

To all the sex workers out there that offer an emotional connection in their service, thank you. I appreciate that it is not easy to put yourself into those moments time and again. Not everyone seeks that service, but those that do seek it, do so for a reason I think. I have heard many actors say love scenes are the hardest to do. You know why.

Dexter Richards

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